Comedy Golf Jokes – The Golf Laws

Comedy Golf Jokes with Bobby Lopez

Joe Romeo sent over this fun list of the Laws of Golf.  Seems quite accurate to me!

LAW 1:
No matter how bad your last shot was, you should have Inner Peace knowing that a worse one is yet to come.
This law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and, eventually, a lifetime.

LAW 2:
Your best round of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever. The probability of the latter increases with the number of people you tell about the former.

LAW 3:
Brand new golf balls are water-magnetic.  Though this cannot be proven in the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball, the greater its attraction to water. Expensive clubs have been known to be partly made with this most unusual natural alloy. (Lab tested and proven by Professor Huber)

LAW 4:
Golf balls never bounce off of trees back into play.  If one does, the tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.   (Lab
tested and proven by Professor Bud)

LAW 5:
The higher a golfer’s handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as an instructor.

LAW 6:
A golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer and an IRS agent — or some similar combination.

LAW 7:
All 3-woods are demon-possessed.  Your Mother in Law does not come  close.

LAW 8:
Golf balls from the same “sleeve” tend to follow one another, particularly out of bounds or into the water.  See LAW 3.

LAW 9:
The last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score to what it really should be.

LAW 10:
Golf should be given up at least twice per month.

LAW 11:
All vows taken on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset.

LAW 12:
Since bad shots come in groups of three, your fourth consecutive bad shot is really the beginning of the next group of three.

LAW 13:
If it isn’t broke, try changing your grip.

LAW 14:
It’s surprisingly easy to hole a 50-foot putt when you lie 8.

LAW 15:
Counting on your opponent to inform you when he breaks a rule is like expecting him to make fun of his own haircut.

LAW 16:
Nonchalant putts count the same as chalant putts.

LAW 17:
It’s not a gimme if you’re still 4 feet away.

LAW 18:
The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course is a straight line that passes directly through the center of a very large tree.

LAW 19:
You can hit a 2-acre fairway 10% of the time, and a 2-inch branch 90% of the time. (Another fact proven by Professor Bud).

LAW 20:
Every time a golfer makes a birdie, he must subsequently make a double or triple bogey to restore the fundamental equilibrium of the universe.

LAW  21:
If you want to hit a 7-iron as far as Tiger Woods does, simply try to use it to lay up just short of a water hazard.

LAW 22:
There are two things you can learn by stopping your backswing at the top and checking the position of your hands: how many hands you have, and which one is wearing the glove.

LAW  23:
A ball you can see in the rough from 50 yards away is not yours.

LAW  24:
Don’t buy a putter until you’ve had a chance to throw it.

Golfing in Cold Weather

One of our valued members John Adams asked a great question.  Thought we would share it with the rest of you.

Hey Bobby,

Happy New Year, hope the next one is good for everyone.
Looking forward to the new clinic format. Waiting for the weather to warm some.

That brings me to a question or topic I have been thinking about during this cold weather:

Ball compression ratings and what you should look for and play with depending on your swing AND the weather temperature.

I have been wondering if you play in the cold winter weather, how much that effects what ball compression you should choose. At what temperature, higher as well as lower, than average should you change balls. Maybe you have some info on this?

Thanks,
John

John,

You might consider playing with the Wilson Duo 50 compression golf ball. I know that Phil uses the Callaway Chrome in colder weather and he uses the Hex Black under normal conditions. We tried balls on a launch monitor once that were six kept in the refrigerator over night and the other six were warmed up on a stove. The launch monitor showed no difference at all.

I think the lower compression ball feels better in the cold. Plus, I think the heavier air in cold weather has it’s influence. Most average golfers just don’t take the wet and cold into account enough. Conditions like we have now I would definitely hit more iron maybe even two clubs in some cases.

The one thing that can be done, (but I don’t know that it is really worth the expense unless you’re to compete in some local amateur events) have a second club head for your driver. Carry more loft for wet conditions to hold the ball in the air longer.

Here’s an article I dug up on the internet below…

The temperature of the golf ball and the air temperature on the day you’re playing directly affect how your ball will perform during a round. Generally, temperature affects a ball’s resiliency, the spin and the density of the air through which the ball travels. Each contributes to how a ball performs. Knowing this can help your scores.

Ball Temperature
Generally, a warmer golf ball travels farther. The rubber materials used to make golf balls respond better if they are more resilient. Warmth enhances resiliency. A warmer ball will come off the clubface with more velocity and spin than a colder ball, encouraging loft. The ball’s temperature also has an effect on bounce. Heat gives the ball more elasticity, creating a ball that bounces more and travels longer.

Air Temperature
Colder days mean the air density is greater. If the air is “thick,” the ball requires more velocity to produce a longer shot. Conversely, if the air temperature is warm, there is less density, and the ball has the chance to perform better and travel farther. It’s not unlike the human body. Muscles are more flexible and responsive when the temperature is warm than when it’s cold. We are able to move more efficiently. The same goes for a golf ball.

Ball Selection
If you are playing in colder weather (below 50 degrees Fahrenheit), the ball’s compression can make a big difference in performance. Generally, high compression golf balls will not travel as far as lower compression balls in chilly weather. Also, if it’s cold, and you store your golf balls in a cold place, like a garage or your car, the higher compression balls will harden. That makes them less resilient.

Club Selection
If you’re playing in weather where the air temperature is 50 degrees or below, you need to use more club than you would in warmer conditions. For every 10 degrees chillier, calculate about 2 yards of lost distance. So, if you hit a ball with an 8-iron about 130-yards when it’s 90 degrees, you’re going to hit it about 122 yards when it’s 50 degrees. That’s about a club shorter. In colder weather, you may need a 7-iron to hit the ball as far as you might with an 8-iron in warmer conditions.

Golf Ball Warmers
Devices on the market claim they can warm your golf ball and create one that travels farther. Some are plug-in units that electronically produce heat that transfers to the ball. Others are compartmentalized units that allow you to put golf balls in the microwave oven. There is considerable debate about whether this process makes a difference in ball performance, since the balls generally won’t retain their warmth for more than a half-hour.